Why do I spend so much time trolling through Facebook search results, looking for a familiar face or name? It’s like I’m trying to create a patchwork canvas of a past that has slowly slipped into the jumbled fog of my mind. Has a social network truly become my link outside “the box” I call life? At times I feel like a crazy person walking up and down the virtual street crying “Do I know you?” or “Please talk to me, I just want to talk to somebody.”
I think I’m wired for virtual relationships….it’s the actual ones I’m struggling with.
Tonight was one of those moments that stick with you. After taking a short walk around the neighborhood after dark, the kid and I stretched out in the back of our pickup, gazing up at a surprisingly full starry sky. Which one of those stars was the sun to a race of beings we may never know? What do they look like? How do they communicate? You could just see the wheels turning and the excitement in his eyes.
I think the memories are there to be made, we just have to grab them and not let go.
Just started reading This Is Your Brain on Music: The Science of a Human Obsession by Daniel Levitin. Although it’s hard to give a thumbs up or down after just a handful of pages, it’s certainly interesting so far. For what promises to be a “scientific” book, Levitin has an accessible writing style. I’m particularly interested in any insight into why my brain seems to be so wired to music. Ever since the advent of the iPod — which gave me pinpoint control over my musical environment — music in some form illustrates and enlivens my waking hours. It’s become hard to work in silence; although on the flip side, I now find it hard to fall asleep listening to music.
The calm night begins to stir
Black sky fills with violent charge
Lightning rolls in blinding succession
I move to cover
But it is too late
The electricity scampers around my feet
Lifting me, throwing me
A plaintive groan
(This was based on a dream that woke me up at 3am this morning)
Middle aged? A strange concept for me. Perhaps working in a college town helps retain a younger, college mentality, but I’ll freely admit the difficulty in grasping my entry into “late-30-somethingness.” I’m not worried about growing older. I’m confounded that I don’t feel older. Forty is right around the corner, and I’m yet to feel like the “grown-up” my parents and their cohorts appeared to be at my age.
Maybe “growing up” is a myth.
I was IMing with a good friend today who was saddened that she only saw her infant son for about 4 hours each day, now that she was back at work and he was in daycare. It made me wonder what my “time splits” were between work, family and those obnoxious necessities sleeping, eating, and personal hygiene, etc. So looking at my average week , here’s what I came up with:
Total hours – 168
Work – 58 (33%)
Sleep – 49 (29%)
Family – 25 hours (18%)
Entertainment (Reading/TV/Hobbies) – 12 hours (4%)
Hygiene – 9 hours (5%)
Household maintenance (indoors and out) – 8 hours (4%)
Eating – 7 hours (4%)
So the way I see it, a week is just not enough time to fit it all in.